Twists and turns in my gray matter
Whisper words in my ear
Words I call, the advice-not to flatter
Something somewhere seems unfair
As the elucidation of my being forms
They begin to change the norms
Argue them, I could
But on the edge, what matters is who stood?
Lost in the bygone and destiny
Little strives to make sense
Well, that remains the whole irony
To conclude they say, no offence
Sensitivities, they said, shall be unprejudiced
How come the repercussions are not, then?
Faith, they now say, shall steer you through
But if tomorrow feels the same as yesterday,
My only question remains “when”?
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Just an experience
Hello friends and strangers
I won't introduce myself as I find it really boring. I'd rather do justice to time and the purpose of my post by beginning it right away.
It was Wednesday, 27-5-09, when I woke up at 9.30 in the morning, late by an hour from the usual time. Unlike any other common day, I did not start my day by playing my favorite music. I did not gulp down a whole bottle of water as I would normally do. All this just because I wasn't in the best of my moods, as I had a minor quarrel with someone close(I won't like to state who, but for convenience I wud call that someone X) the previous night. Tardily I got ready and kept thinking about the issue that started the night before even as I walked to my office. To constrict it to a line I just deplored the reaction of X towards a situation that we were discussing the night before. As I kept on thinking about it, my mind was filled with even more depressing thoughts and I just could not like anything at all, even if I tried to. I could not concentrate on work or anything else. May be I was searching for an explanation from X, may be I expected a lot or may be it was X's fault. Whatever it may have been, I don't really know but it kept me thinking and wondering the whole day.
Finally it dusked, and I decided to leave the office without potting few striped and solid balls(probably for the first time). It was around 7pm and my maid ringed the doorbell. She, let me mention beforehand is one of the most honest,cheerful and inspiring people I've known in my life. She started washing the clothes and it took her almost 45 minutes to do the large number I had stacked in the bathroom(credits: Hogenekal trip on Sunday). As she finished with the clothes and started brooming the floor, I, as I normally do, started asking about her kid's studies and began chatting about general topics. Somehow I remembered that she had told me on the first day that she's a widow and her husband expired 6 years ago. I ended up asking her the cause of his death. She started off by mentioning that he had a sudden death because of a heartattack. I'll just try to quote the translation of what she said in her words, "Bhaiya, it was a Friday evening and my husband felt a little pain in his chest. I took him to a doctor closeby and he opined it to be due to gas. We returned and purchased the prescribed medication on the way back. But Saturday morning he felt the pain again, and a little more intense. We took him to Jayadeva hospital and again the doctor said that it was a gastric problem and suggested him to get admitted for a day or 2. So he was admitted there and was being attended in good order by nurses as per his needs till late eveining. Me and my son, who was in 3rd class back then were sitting besides him all the time, unthoughtful of what was going to happen. Both of us fell asleep next to him and even he slept well that night. In the morning he showed some signs of improvement and wanted to get discharged. I suggested him to stay back there for another day as it would be hard to contact a doctor on Sunday in case they needed one while at home. He agreed. In the evening while we were lying by his side and discussing general issues, he felt the pain again, intense, more and more, I sent my kid to get the doctor immediately, he held my sari tightly in his fist, he could hardly bear it, I was all helpless, he could not say a word, and before the doctor came, he was gone. Forever............... He didn't leave my saari, the doctors had to cut it. I was shocked and I fainted. I was kept there for few hours as I could not gain my consciousness. And when I did I wished I lived no more. But I had a son. I couldn't leave him alone. So i lived on, struggled alone and moved on. My husband was a very nice man, so I think god wanted him. I had the best time of my life living with him. Since then, not even a day has passed when I've not remembered him............(A silence for about 5 mins as she could not control her tears, n a few rolled down my cheeks as well)........... Bhaiya, you can just live without loved ones but you can not live LIFE without them. I stay happy just because I am my son's mom and dad and I want him to be happy as well. Occasionally he remembers his dad, but I try to fulfill all his desires which only a dad could have done. Everyday I wish that my husband could be alive but I never allow my son to wish the same. I'll always be his mom and dad......."
As she left, the state of my mind had completely changed from what it was an hour back. It depends on the reader to take back whatever message he/she can. What I learnt was a very big lesson from this experience which I think I would shelter in my heart and keep it there forever....
I won't introduce myself as I find it really boring. I'd rather do justice to time and the purpose of my post by beginning it right away.
It was Wednesday, 27-5-09, when I woke up at 9.30 in the morning, late by an hour from the usual time. Unlike any other common day, I did not start my day by playing my favorite music. I did not gulp down a whole bottle of water as I would normally do. All this just because I wasn't in the best of my moods, as I had a minor quarrel with someone close(I won't like to state who, but for convenience I wud call that someone X) the previous night. Tardily I got ready and kept thinking about the issue that started the night before even as I walked to my office. To constrict it to a line I just deplored the reaction of X towards a situation that we were discussing the night before. As I kept on thinking about it, my mind was filled with even more depressing thoughts and I just could not like anything at all, even if I tried to. I could not concentrate on work or anything else. May be I was searching for an explanation from X, may be I expected a lot or may be it was X's fault. Whatever it may have been, I don't really know but it kept me thinking and wondering the whole day.
Finally it dusked, and I decided to leave the office without potting few striped and solid balls(probably for the first time). It was around 7pm and my maid ringed the doorbell. She, let me mention beforehand is one of the most honest,cheerful and inspiring people I've known in my life. She started washing the clothes and it took her almost 45 minutes to do the large number I had stacked in the bathroom(credits: Hogenekal trip on Sunday). As she finished with the clothes and started brooming the floor, I, as I normally do, started asking about her kid's studies and began chatting about general topics. Somehow I remembered that she had told me on the first day that she's a widow and her husband expired 6 years ago. I ended up asking her the cause of his death. She started off by mentioning that he had a sudden death because of a heartattack. I'll just try to quote the translation of what she said in her words, "Bhaiya, it was a Friday evening and my husband felt a little pain in his chest. I took him to a doctor closeby and he opined it to be due to gas. We returned and purchased the prescribed medication on the way back. But Saturday morning he felt the pain again, and a little more intense. We took him to Jayadeva hospital and again the doctor said that it was a gastric problem and suggested him to get admitted for a day or 2. So he was admitted there and was being attended in good order by nurses as per his needs till late eveining. Me and my son, who was in 3rd class back then were sitting besides him all the time, unthoughtful of what was going to happen. Both of us fell asleep next to him and even he slept well that night. In the morning he showed some signs of improvement and wanted to get discharged. I suggested him to stay back there for another day as it would be hard to contact a doctor on Sunday in case they needed one while at home. He agreed. In the evening while we were lying by his side and discussing general issues, he felt the pain again, intense, more and more, I sent my kid to get the doctor immediately, he held my sari tightly in his fist, he could hardly bear it, I was all helpless, he could not say a word, and before the doctor came, he was gone. Forever............... He didn't leave my saari, the doctors had to cut it. I was shocked and I fainted. I was kept there for few hours as I could not gain my consciousness. And when I did I wished I lived no more. But I had a son. I couldn't leave him alone. So i lived on, struggled alone and moved on. My husband was a very nice man, so I think god wanted him. I had the best time of my life living with him. Since then, not even a day has passed when I've not remembered him............(A silence for about 5 mins as she could not control her tears, n a few rolled down my cheeks as well)........... Bhaiya, you can just live without loved ones but you can not live LIFE without them. I stay happy just because I am my son's mom and dad and I want him to be happy as well. Occasionally he remembers his dad, but I try to fulfill all his desires which only a dad could have done. Everyday I wish that my husband could be alive but I never allow my son to wish the same. I'll always be his mom and dad......."
As she left, the state of my mind had completely changed from what it was an hour back. It depends on the reader to take back whatever message he/she can. What I learnt was a very big lesson from this experience which I think I would shelter in my heart and keep it there forever....
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